meiqi

There are a million things to smile and laugh over :D

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:06:34 GMT

You study bored, you blog spree read here:

( Dearest chinxinyun and angieang, please look forward to the fabulous english we will recieve during you spa treatment d: )

Dear Mei Qi,

Sorry you spa treatment can’t choose because you treatment include package hotel,

And if you take more the treatment, you we Spa give you normal price,

Thanks & Rgds,
the person who made my day with his/her funny email (:

I really really find it very adorable, english can be presented in another way yet understandable. Fabulous.

Intentions.

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:46:38 GMT

This profession makes me so conscious of my values and internal thoughts.

Everyone has a little devil.

Those who condone and deny of its existance are weaker than those who are aware and willing to face it.

This is what I believe and what makes me feel a little better. Perhaps, stronger and more righteous.

Everyone has their own devil to fight.

Importance.

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:25:51 GMT

Sometimes, I get to engross with seeing who are important to me. Wondering who are the people whom I can never bear to lose. Making sure that I do not take them for granted, because they are just so important. Convincing myself that they will always be by my side. Knowing that fate is not always a nice guy, I fear of losing them. I do let my thoughts wander, and daydreams are not always pretty and beautiful. There are times when these "what if ..."s scare me.

All it takes was to see how important I am for him. & these fear seem to vanish. As much as I am important for him, I can be important for many others who are really precious to me. I realise how silly I was. To be scared of what is ahead and unknown. Trust & Faith, unmeasurable & unobservable, are the most reliable unreliable thing we have.

Perhaps, all we need is to realise how important we are for one another. & both of us will not feel scared at all. Because we'll not leave one another behind.

Because, the pillar is situated at the pit stop.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:08:38 GMT

As much as I miss eugenechan, who is currently sleeping in his bunk with another 3 to 4 more men, I miss my friends too!

Here's a big big photo of my latest girly gaigai with my girls (:

WOAH! pretty girls!
HAHAHAHAHA!

I miss eugenechan because I dont get to see him for 5days and have less than an hour talk time everyday. I am really pampered and not used to it. However, a few more days and he will be back to pamper me again ((: which I cant wait.

But I miss my friends for many more reasons.
For the different path we took.
The different committments we have, school/gfs/bfs/church/work etc etc.
The different values we have.
The different person we are.

Generally misses everyone. Because there just isnt time for everyone, neither does everyone has time for me.
Secondary school friends. Jc friends. Uni friends. Campha friends. My 4 major sources. So many to list.
I dont sms/ call/ organise meet ups.
But when I'm alone before I fall asleep/ waiting for bus to work/ travelling home from work/ walking on the streets/ typing my livejournal, I do think of them.

Not some middle of the night emo.com entry. Rather, whoever who reads. Wait for me to be freerer with a higher motivation to ring up people to meet up. Action speaks louder than words, but some words are not spoken nor acted out. They are just in here, ♥.

HAHAAH! enough cheese. I need to sleep. Work again tomorrow. 5 more weeks to go. Intern ends, and I'll be back ((:

We love ice skating!

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:46:32 GMT

We went ice skating, very fun (:

Under positive peer pressure, we started camwhore-ing too d:

He looks so adorable, like Monster. Inc. !
This is what one will look like under positive love pressure <3

Evidence that we can ice skate, without the railings :D
Evil eugene accidentally deleted my photo.
I also can ice skate know. REALLY!!

I am so happy, cant wait for Historical cum Cultural Date! 5days quick zoom!

scared

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 08:30:11 GMT

i've never felt that kind of fear for a long time.

i cannot control the process nor the outcome.
something will go wrong and the situation will be so bad that nothing can be done to resolve it.
the feeling that the little girl grew up with.

it's back again ),:

and now, to be educated enough to know the possibilities of a negative outcome, the wiring of human addiction and how a family system works. the ripple effects can turn one single wave into a overwhelming tornado.

prevention is better than treatment, that's my profession.
now i understand, prevention is difficult to attain.

EDITS**

on a lighter note, i have something to share.

Being a noob online shopper, i asked the online seller...

I'm curious. When the postman delivers the package, will they deliver to
doorstep or to the mailbox. I'm worried if the package cant be squeeze into
the mailbox. Or will you guys compress it to squeezable size?

And she replied...

regarding your question,
yes normally the postbox will squeeze into the mailbox. It should be no
problem at all.

This is omfg hilarious, especially when i have another few inches tall of notes to cover d:

My postman can squeeze a post box into a mail box.
If not my postman can squeeze into a mail box. ; )

horrid week.

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:07:28 GMT

You know what is procrastinating?

THIS is procrastinating.

I dont want to do report already. Very the siannnnnsssss.

I cant wait to pak tor with eugenechan tml.
Meet gor and everyone tml the tml.
Have nice lunchie with gf tml the tml the tml.
Meet yun yun soon, hopefully tml the tml the tml the tml.
Study with UNbeloved when the horrid time comes, many tmls later.

But everything is scattered all over assignments due dates and exams and tests.

Gross shit ): I wish my 8 page report will complete by themself. Maybe like alphabets give birth to alphabets in my lappie. I'll be really happy.

Actually, I think I need to hear eugenechan voice first! heeheee, im gonna call you NOW!

We Love Buffets (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:30:08 GMT

140309

Being a singaporean couple, we're very sg-style. We spent a solid 3 hours eating our anniversary away (: We eat when we're happy sad hungry excited lazy sleepy awake mugging tv-ing movie-ing gaigai-ing and we always eat eat eat on special days. We eat cause we're so in love, with our food. & eating tgt is the happiest thing on earth!

I'm very tired cause it's 2am, it took me ten years to get photobucket working & another ten years to decide what colour should the border be. Then, i finally decided that i cant decide so i shall just settle with purple. Since purple never fails to make me smile, and when i smile it never fails to make eugenechan smile. So we'll be smiling & happy when we look at this photo. Then, we'll feel hungry & eat again (:

I'm just trying to get to the point that, WE'RE GOING TO EMBARK ON THE EATING TRAIL OF FOODHUNT 2009, in ayeee.. about 7hours time. And gf will kill me if i'm late. So i need to sleep. Yes, gf and i and our boyfriends are going to eat tgt for a solid 8 hours. Everybody, LET'S EAT!!

ANDDDD, girlss, if you are still loyal readers of my livejournal, I'm so sorry I pangsehh the guy's commission parade tml & corrine's mini dinner date few days back & wutian's birthday party on sunday :x Meet up for exam mugging k! im feeling guilty already, especially for replying cheryl sms after one month. lols. NO IM NOT GONE YET, just that is busy week this time. Will be back soonnnn (:promise promise!

I really need to sleep, goodnight! it's 2.29AM. holy shit, i want to sleep.

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:14:30 GMT

I'll be your grumpy partner (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 14:29:12 GMT

Eugenechan taught me, he said that i sing well! (even though im tone deaf :p )
& i trust him!(:

(please be impressed, cause im typing base on my memory!)
Give me more loving than i ever had
Make me feel better when im feeling sad
Tell me that im special even though i know im not
Make me feel good when im felt so bad
Barely getting mad (oh my dearest lied, im a very grumpy girlfriend)
Im so glad i found you
Love being round you
You make it easy
As easy as,
1,2,3,4
There's only 1 thing, 2 do, 3 words
for youu, i love you
There's only 1 way, 2 says, those 3 words

That's what i'll do,
i love you (:

(mr. chan that fussy old man complains that the lyrics are full of grammatic errors!)

Mashmellows can catch fire! Sparking juice tastes like Zapper! Mosquitoes bite a hell lot!
he is not perfect ♥ neither am i

HAPPY VALENTINE TO EVERYONE!
with boyfriend with girlfriend with friends, it doesnt matter.
Just be happy, the way you are (:

HAPPY 2OTH BIRTHDAY, chinxinyun!

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:15:11 GMT

I wanted to put even more unglam photos of her (which i've way moreee than her glam photos, or rather she never looks glam d: ) ; but decided to be nice for ONCE in a year and put the least unglam photos (: Trying very hard to be nice for ONCE in a year and treat her like a princess, i brought the potential murderer of my life to chocolate fondue :DD! It looks like chocolate steamboat cause she insisted on throwing EVERYTHING in to cook -.- Strawberries look like crabmeat, Choux puffs look like fishball, Kiwi looks like veggies, Banana looks like fishcake, & FINALLY, Bailey's Chocolate looks like yong tau fu sauce. gross shit visually, but taste like heavennnn. If you're dripping your drooll over your keyboard now, head down to goodwoodpark hotel for your very own fondue! 6-11pm daily, but to warn you, their service is not as good as 2 months ago. Maybe it's just the waitor today, i'm still disgusted by his service.

EVERYBODY, say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to chinxinyun that fat pig who is one year older again (:

Tagged by UNbeloved

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:49:39 GMT

01. What are your nicknames?
UNbeloved, QIQI, qiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (when UNbeloved whines my name), CC, gf!, slimy, SLS (new nickname from my gullible friend, ask me personally for what it stands d: )

02. How does your hair look like currently?
SHORTER, just cut it at Pointers!

03. What's new in your life right now?
I cant think of any, my social work readings and textbook. REALLY NEW.

04. How many colours are you wearing now?
6, colourful top :D

05. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
EXTROVERT, i can lose my job just by being an introvert.

06. What was the last book you read?
Jodie Piccoult's, finished. Now I'm reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter (eugene's!) , a few chapters down only.

07. Do you nap a lot?
Nope, except with eugenechan, once in a blue moon (:

08. If you had to have a one night stand with someone famous, who would you like it to be?
ayeee, Louis, the hongkie actor! Or Zhu Ge Liang from RedCliff :D

09. Is there anything that has made you happy these days?
My boyfriend, always & ultimately.
My friends too (: Sometimes hearing from them is happy enough.

10. What's your current obsession?
The arcade, touch screen game. many balls touchtouch BURST!

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Shortest, 15 minutes. Bathe+Brush & GO!

12. What websites do you visit daily?
ivle.nus.edu.sg ; cors.nus.edu.sg(for the past 2weeks)

13. Do you write fic? What was the last fic you wrote?
I failed my gp, i cant.

14. What's the last thing you laughed about?
With AMELIA, kinokuniya. HAHAHA! it still tickles.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
PONYO PONYO PONYO!

16. What's the last movie you saw?
REDCLIFF, watch it too!

17. Would you enter a relationship with your ideal partner, even if you knew he/she was seriously involved with/married to someone else and would never leave them?
NO, cause eugene is currently seriously involved with me (:

18. What is your least favourite thing to do that you have to do today?
Write an essay during EA1101 lesson. gross shit.

I'm tagging:
JaclynSohYunHui AMELIAchan LeeSiHui Wenhui(im not allowed to type her surname)

HAPPY (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:10:57 GMT

THE 10TH ♥

♥

It was a happy day of Ribs & RedCliff (:
Picture of the cover was our babarian-style display of ribs in a very artistic way! At least from my point of view, cause all our evidences of babarian acts (which can be deduced from the bones) are blurred d:

♥

Check out eugenechan's double chin :DD I think he looks very cute with french fries & double chin! & I must post more pictures NOW because it will be a long time before my faithful audiences get to see my long hair again. Last but not least, WATCH RED CLIFF 2! (but be smart enough to watch part1 first) Totally worth your pennies.

For people whom I love ♥

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:49:54 GMT

Last year was a special one,

♥ Mr. Chan saved me from a deep deep pool of depression.
   He makes me smile and laugh and burp!
I want to spend my every year with him ((:

♥ I met kids who made their impact on me,
   new friends who are really so important & they dont even know.

♥ I realise who will be sticking to me like superglue for the rest of my life,
   & perhaps do aunty-style-bitching with me in future d:

& for all that I've grown, I'll continue from here! :D

To kick start the new year, BETTER HEALTH & HAPPY FAMILY to everyone!
(eugenechan insisted that new year wish must be for everyone on earth, eg. WORLD PEACE =.= )

♥

WORLD PEACE ((:

Presenting the : SINGAPORE ZOOLOGICAL GARDEN

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:20:02 GMT

Yesterday was a whole lot of fun ((:
We saw many many animals, including our favourite OTTERS!
Craving for more pictures of those wonderful animals in the nature?
Head down to the zoo den d:
For those who wants to see pictures of eugene & meiqi, enjoy the collage :D

Heeee, i feel so naughty.

This is my favourite photo of Week1 December (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:22:47 GMT

7december2008

HELLO PEOPLE! teymeiqi is still alive & so is her cheekopekpek eugenechan! :D

Since 10november till 1december, it's just paktor-ing, mugging endlessly & meeting friends here, there, everywhere. But boring mugging and stressful exams had never felt so great, eugenechan has his secret magic potion to keep me gay throughout! ((:

Birthday and 8th month was a zoom zoom during the busy period. But the two most impt people in my life celebrated my 19th with me! though just two of them did, im pretty much contented. cause they made sure quantity didnt matter at all, only quality ((: my bf and my bf, i love them both. differently equally much! :D

After 1december was a WOWWW WOOWWWW!
Celebrated that silly boy's birthday with him, he was such a happy boy & it made me so happy (: & igne jiejie had her wedding on friday, being her jiemei was freaking tiring but i had lots of angbao from gatecrashing. HAHAHH! My shortie friend is back too and i finally get to meet her on thursday, im so happppy cause i feel so tall again. & we gave her(shaojian that short one) a surprise birthday bash on saturNIGHT (which she already know). celebrated UNbeloved's birthday on saturDAY too, i think her ears are the most beautiful part of her whole body now d: Went NOAH ARK FARM with yun & celest & handsome boy on sunday, so many hundreds of dogs and cats!
Within a week i met half the number of my loved ones already ((: how can not happy? :DDD

It's been a long time since i blog, I LOVE JOEY TEY MEI LING. shyyy already. but i bet you cant find one as great as mine.

People whom i really wanna meet yet didnt for months are ewewenhui ameliachan leesihui. so if you see your name and identify yourself please come forward and meet me okay. ameliachan will be meeting CC on thursday, THIS IS A REMINDER FOR YOUUUUU!

There're still so many meet up and paktorssss and HOLIDAY IN MSIA, ahead of me.
Please dont let 11Jan2009 get near me, cause im really enjoying myself right now ((:

Random Postings!

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 03:54:23 GMT

I think he looks very cute like this (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 03:09:01 GMT

Sometimes, people who are totally ignorant of the inequality of streaming within our education system & antigay with reasons which I cannot agree with, just makes my BLOOD BOIL.

To me, they are just moroons.

I'm so irritated out of the purple moon, grrr. I've got to fly to 6th ave. MEET UNBELOVEDDD!!! :D

Anyway, life is wonderful. Cause out of the midst of 4 assignments/presentations datelines to rush, I had a great camwhore session at prince with celest+yun & STEAMBOAT buffet (which lasted for 2hours plusplus,rubs tummy!) with eugenechan this week (: So happy!

Scroll down to see Picture Of Study Week :DDD

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:24:24 GMT

IM FEELING HAPPY (:

1. Jeremiah Chew will continue to be my kid for another year!
I see some stable income, and im so happy cause it is just so enjoyable to teach him.
MINUS-ING the times when he forgot to bring his textbook home & left it in the sch locker or simply FORGoT HIS TUITION SLOTS =.=
Other than that, im really pleased (:

2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELESTINE TAN HUI LI!
Before anything, AH-HUI R.E.P.E.N.T!!
I want to type ~~that silly girl overslept~~ but i decided not to, heee, i can still recall her murderous stare & ~~SILLY~~ is definitely banned. Exactly. I miss those times when we go coronation plaza & eat at PRINCE cause they have this dunno $6 or $7 student meal. Even though they gang rape me in st john's room but i still love them. I think we are very special, cause we are stupid mainstream kids who always fail but still squeezed out asses to wherever we are now (:
YUN & I SURPRISED CELEST AT SMUSOB! Like right outside the seminar room, & her lecturer is one fake wall apart d: I was the candle & yun is the lighter, im so hot that i can light yun's laptop into a flame ^^ Though yun & i had a mad rush we still manage to get her a pet dog to bring home. Hope you love it (:
AH-HUI, next time you will be the candle & the flame for punishment d: Just agree to it, i will teach you how, like on november 11 ayeee? :DDD

3. UNbeloved APPEARED!
I just realise UNbeloved didnt POOF!* gone, her handphone spoiltttt. & i manage to get in contact with her again (she freaking sound like she's overseas d: )!! Eugenechan was saying that i've got no friend, SEE I GOT! So im meeting VIC&UNbeloved soon. How can i not be happy when vic makes me feel like the slim-est female on earth ^^

4. horny misses meeeee *grin*
YAY! Im going to meet her soon too! so gayyyy, so many girlfriends, i like (:

5. My real gf going to help me get BIO book!
omg, i thought i will just fail GEK1527 cause i freaking hell cannot understand how those genes works. Now i see a ray of hoppppeeee, now you know who saved my life (:

Im feeling happy, but not so happy cause study break is coming to an end & next two weeks aint going to be too fun. However, i get to see javin soon! Though we didnt have a prata supper as planned. I kind of miss her, hope she's doing just finee.

Picture Of Study Week!

No mushy mushy baby i love you. Cause i want to complain, WHY EUGENE CHAN EYES TWICE AS BIG AS MINE?! I think it's so super unfairrrrrrrrrrr! grrrrrr. & our pimple rating charts are almost on par already. Cause his are decreasing drastically & im developing some pimple outbreak. I want to be as pretty as my boyfriend!

But, looking at him benefits my eyes (:
Hence, i shall share with my livejournal audience!
Dont worry, viewing is free. Just that he's out of stock d:

Happy 0.5 Anniversary! (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 02:05:23 GMT

IM YOURS <3

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it 
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted 
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back 
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test 
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention 
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some 

But I won't hesitate no more, 
no more, it cannot wait 
I'm yours 

Well open up your mind and see like me 
open up your plans and damn you're free 
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love 
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved 

So, i won't hesitate no more, 
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure 
there's no need to complicate our time is short 
this is our fate
I'm yours 

*scat* 

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror 
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer 
But my breath fogged up the glass 
and so I drew a new face and I laughed 
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason 
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons 
it's what we aim to do 
our name is our virtue 

But I won't hesitate no more, 
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours 

Well open up your mind and see like me 
open up your plans and damn you're free 
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours 

so please don't, please don't, please don't, 
there's no need to complicate, 
Cause our time is short 
This, this, this is our fate, 
I'm yours

*scat*

Eugenechan, i'm so touched!
I'll never forget how you smell,
GARLIC! d:
(: (: (:
I'm yourssssss, & your credit cards all mine!
I'm sucha a rich woman, wealth of your love (:

Long Day Ahead!

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:04:16 GMT

I like tuesdays saturdays sundays ((:

Today, KAP with ms. ang & au! Mr. chan came too.
They are so hilarious!

Bedtime. Goodnight!

Im so so happy (:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 02:17:36 GMT

LET'S ALL GET MARRIED :DD !!

UNbeloved is awake!
Off to meet her(which naturally comes together in a package with ms. au) ((:
Anyway, I remember vaguely that UNbeloveds are married!
& I've an extra husband a.k.a yaya.
Poor Ms. Au & Mr. Chan, ROFLOL!

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 18:15:47 GMT

BELL CURVE can be used to plot intensity of pain.

1^st time – feels like a nibble, small ouch!

Maybe just an accident.

2^ndtime – slightly more painful.

Accidents do happen twice.

3^rd 4^th 5^th 6^th 7^th, it just gets worse at the peak.

From a nibble to a piercing pain that stabs right through. Like, OUCH*! Cause it is a problem instead, glaring truth.

8^th 9^th 10^th 11^th, aches numbed.

Problems can become acceptable habits. Just like crime to deviance, deviance to norm. But before crime changes to norm, the initial structure will have to break down first, allowing a new one to form.

… 111^th, this is the fear.

Indifference, broken hearts, or non-existence?

Why change your norm?

To make way for a better one. To conform to what others increasingly view as correct. To stop suicidal thoughts due to repressed emotions. To prevent detachment or worse, anomie.

You’ve to try, as much as you’re afraid that it wouldn’t work out in the end, you want to avoid being indifferent. Too cynical to believe again.

Before I don’t feel anything, not even a little bit of anger, I must pull myself together.

If it doesn’t work, it just proves one point. As much as I don’t want to, I want the truth. I was scared; cling dearly onto anything I could. Fear of the unknown, fear to change, fear to challenge the present bliss. But the more you try to runaway, the harder it is to be freed. Don’t cover & hide your troubles, they can turn into monsters if you aren’t careful. Leaving you worse than ever. Yes, it’s pessimistic.

If it does work, if that’s the solution, if the aches disappear, if this is the norm you would believe in, if more happiness lies ahead. Or rather, believe that a rainbow awaits you. Definitely, it’s optimistic.

Say it’s going to work, if it’s unchangeable, say it’s not going to end.

Of course, I’m scared. Make it or break it.

I'll be your portable pillar! ((:

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 03:33:56 GMT

... unpredictable, surprising,
based on personal chemistry
and striking apparantly at random,
often 'across a crowded room' ...

How fate brings us together scares you, cause we could've just missed one another easily. But the very same fate makes you so precious for me, & me so special for you. Little boy, dont be scared, I'll always be here. Even when I seem to move away, it's just you evolving around me. When you get tired just stay put, cause I'll definitely come to you (:

If u hold back ur emotions too much u'll get adnormal behavoir, bleh.

qiqi_wormie@hotmail.com — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:28:40 GMT

18August’08 1.43AM

Im feeling pretty moody these few days! I don’t understand why either. So many thoughts are flying in & out of my head. My brain is holding onto the remote control, not me.

But WHY?
Frankly, Im not very comfortable with school schedule. I don’t like the rush between lectures and tuition. I don’t like those words, “financial independence” always at the back of my mind. Not that I want to, but there isn’t really a choice. Not that I cant cope, or I hate giving tuition. I like my kid, he’s really nice to teach. However, I cant help but think what will happen if I lose my job. What if I cant cope with school. What if I don’t see results in my kid’s results. No matter how indifferent I want to be, there’re two sets of academic results under my charge now. The problem that is tied to this issue is my financial well-being. The root is something I don’t even feel like mentioning. Perhaps the problem doesn’t lie in finance, I feel that this is happening cause of her mental breakdown. She can no longer figure out what she’s doing, she can no longer think in my shoes, she can no longer protect me like how she used to. Not that she is unable to help, but she couldn’t kick off some emotional barrier of god knows what. That is the responsibility of hers, and I don’t want anyone else to take charge. Is either her, or me. Obviously, me. For other people, if it doesn’t work, they have a safety net to plunge into. I cant find mine. It’s the fear of knowing i’ve nothing to fall on that scares me, not studying or giving tuition.

I don’t like to go for ecomm lecture alone every week, I hate it. I don’t exactly enjoy the content of the lecture either. It just reminds me of how lonely it is when u’re dumped into a place u don’t want to. Like being dumped into nj. I want tutorial to start soon, I want to make new friends. But with all the shit I’ve seen for the past two years, Im not that keen afterall. More like Im desperate, cause I need to survive. So pathetic.

I don’t feel quite like myself too. Things that don’t bother me a single tiny bit in the past is haunting me upside down. That big boost of confidence that im the mighty qiqi doesn’t seem quite there. Why? Why do I always feel that good things wouldn’t last. Why so much of insecurity. Why so dependent. Why so weak. Why so vulnerable. Why so easily hurt by small insignificant things. Why cry so much. Where’s my Heart&Soul spirit. Where’s the girl who wouldn’t drop a single tear when a bitch scolds her right into her face. Where’s the person im always so proud of? Where’s the ghost of me.

Maybe before I get a counselor for her or learn how to be a counselor, I should get one for myself first.

Or, I should get a cca.
I feel like running again.

Back to point number one, no money no time no talk. Screwed. No cca.

AHHHHHHHH! I feel better now after rattling so much (: sleep time!

That was yesterday night, & I felt a million times better now ((:

I realise, mumbling to yun even though she dont quite get the picture makes me able to fall asleep. Whining to amelia makes me feel like a little girl, that little girl in first three months who gets protection from her gang of 5 boys 1 amelia 1 CC. Seeing my two friends who have been stuck to me like super glue since first lec till now make me feel that uni cant be that bad. Its pretty good being stuck to gf & javin!!

Telepathy, wonder man actually felt it (:
& talking to my wonder man solves the whole puzzle.
You are always holding onto that last piece in the puzzle, not complete without you.
You've my words, we can redemn one another for the rest of our lives (: